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What a bunch of Super Baloney (picture from wikipedia commons)
Time for the big game Sunday night. That's to say the big game besides the Big Game that was played today between KU and Missouri. The Border Wars always carry more importance in these parts than some silly football game played between two east coast teams, even if the actual game is hosted in the Midwest.
Like most of you--if you bother to sit down and watch the game at all--our friends and family will be parked in front of the set to enjoy the ambiance as much as the game itself.
It's the Super Bowl.
Who's playing, again? Oh yeah, the Patriots (that team that can't even afford to put a hometown in front of their name) and the @!$%#ing New York Giants. Giants, Jets... Who cares. As a longtime Midwesterner, I'm sworn to give not two @!$%#s and a shake about New York or any of its sports teams. So screw 'em. I hope Brady thumps them, but if Eli finally puts his money where his big mouth is, and he manages to convince anyone who isn't wearing Giants blue on Sunday that he's an "elite quarterback" then I guess I'll drink another beer and raise a glass to my sister. She's a New Yorker. Missouri transplant, for sure, but she married a fourth generation Queens guy, so I can pretend to like the Giants if they win.
The Halftime Show is courtesy of that burned out dreck of a woman who thinks she needs only a first name, and it's not Ugh, but it should be. (Please, New York, if you win, take that woman home with you and keep her there. She seemed to have escaped a few decades ago and no one thought to go looking for her.)
But the most important thing to remember about the game are the following, in order: the amount of alcohol and the quality of food being served; (inversely) the amount of non-football chatter by the clueless women present who don't know a thing about the game but want to talk about the commercials long after the game has resumed; and oh, yeah... The Commercials. (I guess the actual game fits in there somewhere, but did I mention that's between the Patriots and the Giants?)
Live Poll
What was your favorite commercial?
The Commercials.
Lots of chances to rank, vote, Facebook, text, tweet, chat, Vine, and otherwise jerk yourself off over how funny the commercials are or are not. What? Seinfeld and the Soup Nazi are back? Matthew Broderick has returned to play Ferris Bueller again? Is Danica Patrick going to show MORE skin?? Did they fine some new and creative way to try to convince us that Lite Beer is not really monkey piss and that you're not a real man if you don't drink it?
And then, by the fourth quarter, the last of the beer washes down the last of the hot wings. Someone takes one last stab at the seven-layer dip (the last of which only has three layers remaining, anyway), and with a belch, the guy who put away most of the beer asks what the score is for the twentieth time. Someone will answer, incorrectly, even though the score is always on the screen. Someone else will correct that person--and it will be one of the women you thought was just yakking the whole time, but the fact is she knows as much about the game as any of the men, she just didn't scream everything she knows about football at the TV before the first drive is finished.
Someone is complaining about "Well, they said there was only fifteen minutes to play forty-five minutes ago," and the someone else tells us all not to worry, and that it'll all be over soon.
"So which commercial did you like the best?" someone will ask.
I'll probably reply, "None of them. Did you get enough seven-layer dip?"
@!$%#ing Super Bowls.
It should be an American Holiday.
